The Beauty of Forgiveness

The Beauty of Forgiveness 

Project 10 (Competent Communication Manual) ; 8th May 2013

I asked my younger sister,  “Iqa, why do you forgive someone?”
She answered; “Because I might make the same mistake and need the forgiveness. ”

“Forgiveness is man's deepest need.”

TME, Mr Presidents, fellow TM, & guest, good evening.

Personally, I feel easy to forgive is a noble value. 

But yes, not all mistakes can be easily forgiven. If people said that “sorry seems to be the hardest word….”, for me, the harder part is to reply “okay, I forgive you”.  Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive. 

Before you agree more, let me share with you, some stories that make me learn to try my best, to forgive easier.

1^st story, One day, I met a salesperson who tried to promote the scratch and win contest to me. After scratching, believe it or not, I won! BUT .. with some terms and conditions. Since, it was my first experience, I was excited and called my father to ask for his opinion.  As I spoke in few seconds, he responded, “Ain!!! How could you be fooled!!! HAHAHA! Don’t trust him, just leave him.. HAHAHA… Ain.. how could you.…” I then ended the call abruptly. I was so angry because he laughed at me like I am the silliest person in the world! I had my phone switched off until the next day. 

The following day, I called my father. I felt guilty for being rude to him. To my surprise, he sounded like nothing happen.  I knew then he had forgiven me for my behavior. What  can make he easily forgave me?

“He forgave for who I am… Because he loves me…”

As quoted from Darren L Johnson, “Forgiveness leads to love and love leads to forgiveness”

L&G,

2^nd story, One day,  I volunteered in an old folk home and had a number of interesting conversations. One of them was with an old Malay lady. She told me that she had lived with her brother when all her children abandoned her. But then, her brother left her at the old folk home. He promised her that he will pick her up later but. Unfortunately, he was never come back. She shared her story with teary eyes, full with frustration. I noticed her activities were limited to her bed and she was looking scruffy. I felt sorry for her.

Things were different with an old Chinese man at the same old folk home, who looked very happy and had so much fun. He said that he travelled a lot; he was a chef in many restaurants before. We talked about food and enjoyable experiences he had. “I have 3 children” he sayd. “ All of them are good, have their own families, have good jobs, very successful. They make me proud although they hardly come to see me” Then I asked him, ”Don’t you feel sad?” “No! I am happy here with friends! My children enjoy their own lives and I enjoy mine!!!” 

Compared the two stories, the lady live with anger and sadness but the old man decided to forgive his children and enjoy his life. 

As Gandhi said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

L&G,

So here comes my 3^rd story.

Two years ago, I broke up with my ex-fiance. I believe that feeling sad or angry is normal; feeling frustrated for the unfulfilled dreams and angry with broken promises. When anytime anyone asked me about us, I will answered them with full of dissatisfaction. 

A friend asked,

“Ain, will you attending his wedding? “
“Why should I go? Who cares if he is getting married?”

Realizing my anger, my friend changed the topic.

I realized that I still cannot forgive him or anyone related to our failed relationship. The conversation happened last week.

Other than blaming others, I also sometimes shifted the blame on myself. It is like, “Why I was so stupid, fell for that guy! Why I believed the relationship! Why did not I choose a different word when we were arguing?”

After slowly agreeing that every cloud has a silver lining, I took all the anger that I was feeling and I channeled it into forgiveness and understanding. I have forgiven him and because of that, I can be happier today. But more than that, a self-worth increased Ain was then realized the he was not the one that I cannot forgive for months before. Actually I cannot forgive MYSELF. I cannot forgive myself for the mistakes I did and for spending my time with him and then regretting it.

Forgive others but most importantly is, forgive myself. Forgiveness is choosing to love. It is the first skill of self-giving love. I cannot change my past that has him in it. I cannot deny the fact that the guy called my ex- fiancé was married last Friday. I can forgive but I am not willing to forget since I believe that my past is the one that shape a better me today. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. 

I want to be a wise person. And I believe that all of you, Ladies and Gentlemen, will live with the fullest if we choose to be that wise person.

When someone hurts us, let us try to meet their oppression with kindness and forgive them, even if they are not sorry. As I mentioned, forgiving leads to pure love, make us stronger and happier and we forgive ourselves at the same time. If we say “HUH! I will never forgive you!”, we will only stop spreading and gaining love, limited the happiness in our lives and treat ourselves badly.

L&G

Do you have anyone in your mind that hurt you before?  Your sister? You ex-girlfriend? A back-stabbed friend? Or any stranger that bullying you on the road while you’re driving? Or a friend posted an aggressive statement on FB about GE that made you so upset?

Let’s start and continue forgive. As quoted from Oprah Winfrey, “Turn your wounds into wisdom”

Forgive, forgive and please forgive. Then hopefully, all of us will be forgiven by others, and most importantly, by The Creator.

Toastmaster of the Evening.